I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You need Xanax blowdarts
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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