if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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