No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
