I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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