I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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