hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My life is pants optional.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
