Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
