i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
