high people should be assigned attendants
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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