Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
