This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
