Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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