I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
