apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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