they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
