i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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