oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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