Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
