then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
babies were throwing up all over the place
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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