Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
