A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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