The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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