yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
