wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
