Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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