she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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