do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
