when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
