We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
