I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
