can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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