I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is my gift to your gina
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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