I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
