so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize