It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
