I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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