yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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