He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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