At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You are a genius and a whore.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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