too bad you live with your parents still
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
