And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
