Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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