Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
