Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
