dude i'm inner monologue high
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
