I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
