Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
