I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
