So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
