What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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