Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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