I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
