he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
