Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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