Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
