What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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