i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
