Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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