shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
