I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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