Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize