I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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