Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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