so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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