he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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