The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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