Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
