I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
