Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
