Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
