big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
don't judge my taste in strippers
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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