I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm passing your future prison.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
