I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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