Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
