I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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